Other proposed titles for this post: When it rains it pours, Pass me the rectal probe (refer to my fb post 2 days ago), Must put away the oreos…fear and trembling
I realize a lot of people expected this to be about delivering my first baby, the joy of life and all that- but I’m stuck with the images of a partial vulvectomy for hydradenitis (don’t google that unless u have a strong stomach) in my head whenever I think about work( I’m not bothering to explain my medical terms today- in a bad mood)…so I haven’t been thinking about it. Besides, I can sum that up in a few sentences:
Wait on the pitocin drip because we’re waiting till the baby’s father gets out from school- mom left to go pick him up…wtf?
inappropriate Spanish jokes with the soon to be grandfather ensue- the family loves that I’m blushing because I can understand them
pressure on the perineum ( I do not play around with this because I hope that all my efforts will result in someone putting some pressure on my perineum! ) counter-traction on the head ( same level of gravity – lacerations suck balls)
pull the baby down by the neck ( this is counterintuitive) upper shoulder pops out! push the baby up by the neck while holding the bottom shoulder and arm ( once again avoiding lacerations)
the baby will do the rest of the work
now I have a screaming baby who’s moving all four extremities with some serious vigor- I imagine he is cold. And then you’re left with umm…where do I put it?
baby goes on momma’s belly where someone else can clean him up and now i’m delivering placenta. The end…
Today has been a day of days. 1am: wake up call from someone 1:15am I’ll call u back 1:20 am calls back 1:25 am I’ll call u back …2am no call back- I’m going to bed.
Now I don’t know about any of you, but going to sleep when you’re mad/worried = I might as well have stayed awake.
Once again, I don’t know about any of you- but when you don’t get any sleep the night before, you’re mood the next day…may be sour. So then I overslept and missed church..strike 1. This portends poorly for the rest of the day. I get all my laundry together only to realize I have no laundry detergent. I drive to get ethiopian food only to be told that the place isn’t open on mondays. There are tornado warnings all over the place and it’s raining. I drive to a bbq place that I remember is good only to eat the food and realize I must’ve been really hungry that day. I rented a warrior’s way only to discover that any ninja movie with kate bosworth in it is a poor idea. I was just called by my resident who told me that we’re not rounding tomorrow until 7:30 am. This is cause for celebration. I realize that I’m celebrating waking up at 5:30 am…oh yeah, and I’m trying to watch project runway but the feed keeps skipping with this slow ass internet.
So currently I’m sitting on my bed laughing hysterically to keep from crying…too hard. I said I’d be honest and absolutely NOTHING funny happened today. Now Jason is gchatting me about how cut he is…I told him I hope he gets fat when he grows up so that one day he will understand what it feels like to look at a treadmill with fear and trembling. That is my P.S.A. today…and probably tomorrow morning for my patients. Ladies, forget endometrial cancer, look at me with fear and trembling!