Alize, Pedestals, And Phalluses

So…as the unfortunately, and misguidedly conservative one of the group, I am just now realizing a factoid about myself that will no longer remain a factoid at the end of this paragraph. I believe, much like the 14year old boys…that I have somehow put phallic symbols into a position of power in my life. Despite the recriminating lectures and evidence pointed out by the Penis Power lecture my girls and I laughed to in Undergrad- I reached the tender age of 26 with far too little experience, and a far too vivid imagination to avoid the missteps of my 14year old inner boy self. In the words of my momma: I have got my people mixed up.

And all of this came out in rather dramatic fashion last week and today. With Jerry Springer drama in half of my besties’ lives – and sage advice from the audience members…the other half: I realized that I had placed far too much importance on the very real necessity of vitamin D. I had forgotten that I usually prescribe that shyt out as a once week dosing, and only for a few weeks at a time. I had forgotten that by itself, it doesn’t do a damn thing. That it needs Calcium and sunlight and nourishment to actually make you feel better…and it still is not evidenced-based medicine. For those of you who are not getting the analogy…read on.

My gurl Chanel put it too me bluntly: girl remember how drinking used to be the shyt? And I was forced to realize that in undergrad Malibu was the shyt before we discovered Parrot Bay, that Patron was the shyt before we discovered…literally anything else, that it took enough of my taste buds actually dying before I could learn to love red wine..that I- horrors- got drunk as all hell to …wait for it ” Raspberry absolut, Red Alize (because I dont know what flavor that is) and raspberry Bacardi silver” when I fond out my first boyfriend had cheated n me…And that me and my girls thought that drink combination was clever- and classy. And much like that first love, and first drink- eventually you move on to the next one. The beat, truly, does go on.

And so I am putting my vitamin D on the shelf, next to the mango Alize…not to hide, or even push to the side…but to at least get it out of my damn face, and off this pedestal- where truly, only one “P” belongs. 🙂


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