“If you say real talk I probably won’t trust you” – Andre

The next line in that song, I have thought for the past like 8yrs was ” If you wanna go to water-guns my pleasure…Even Jesus had 12 disciples on the level, trigger, whatever”…apparently it doesn’t really go like that. But I like my version better.

Which gets me to the point of my blog rather quickly tonight … my version. It’s amazing how much people throw out the word “real” or “truth” or “honesty” these days. And equally amazing how unfortunately skeptical most are once they hear anything even resembling those terms coming out of a man’s mouth. I’m sure there are those (wo)men who are skeptical hearing it out of women’s mouths as well but I can’t speak for other demographics I do not represent…or the whole of my demographic either, as it were. All I can speak for is myself. And unfortunately, over the past 2 yrs or so…I have determined that “If you say real talk I probably”….will be at least a bit more critical of whatever you have to say next. It’s like saying “No offense but…”, it pretty much warns the audience to listen up to whatever is next going to be said.

I find that I am particularly mistrustful of the aforementioned phrase because of 1) My Diary Of a Black Girl and 2) my namesake. My name, Aminah- means “Honest, and Faithful”. And I think my mother did that ish on purpose- so I would feel some type of way any time I attempted to lie about anything. I can’t even be properly deceitful! Which has resulted, over my entire life…in some unfortunate episodes.

I am the type of person for example, to tell my senior physician, at 3am in the morning       “I really don’t understand why we are admitting this patient and I’m irritated that they woke me up for this instead of going to see their primary care doctor and I DO NOT see the indication for an inpatient rectal exam.”

I am the type of person who will tell you, honestly, when that pair of jeans is giving you the dreaded “muffin top”.

I will tell you when you are hurting me, and why, and that does not necessarily translate into knowing what to do to make me feel better about it.

I will tell you my truths…and then I will sit up all night wondering whether or not you can handle them. Because the last time I heard “real talk” I probably shouldn’t have trusted.

This is just me breaking out of my self-imposed censoring bubble once again…or beginning to.

For the poem I needed to hear this week:

From my sis: Haiku for you

I’ll always love you
its time you loved yourself more
your peace is worth it

2 thoughts on ““If you say real talk I probably won’t trust you” – Andre

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