Because so many people don’t seem to understand the support and love and hilarity that surrounds my life. I give you these jewels:
Quotes from my girls:
Gurl I haven’t done laundry in so long that I went to work Commando today!. I had to go to target during lunch time to get some panties!
I’m shoving my Nuva Ring in TONIGHT! No! I gave this shyt 3 days! I’m done with this. – that last part was said so calmly and with the sweetest southern accent you’ve ever heard
Me: Girl that Chick in Twerk Team, I had to let my ex-boyfriend know about them. I was NOT HATIN!
Her response: Girl you know she is talented! She needs to be on the Olympics! (this conversation was had while watching Olympic diving)
I was expecting this to taste like Napoleon…I mean neopolitan
Me: Girl God Bless Ryan Bailey’s ( Insert your man of choice here) Parents! her response: When I tell you Jesus is REAL!
The best thing about driving in LA is when you do something ignorant you just put on ignorant music and stare at people. Because there are so many gangs no one knows who is affiliated so I just do the Angry Black Woman stare and they let you through.
You know my secret fantasy is to have a shotgun and shoot out people’s tires when they do something wrong so they have to be a sitting duck and think about what they just did.
You know it’s bad when…: you wake up in the morning…still 20lbs heavier than you thought u would be this time this year- and you’re mostly just grateful the scale isn’t going the other way….and you still eat a biscuit for breakfast. JULIE can I borrow your self control for a minute
and another: ummmm…the moment when you realize your butt looks kinda cute in your scrubs…and 20 minutes later you realize…HOLD UP!!! Why are my scrubs cuffing my butt???
Reminder: your girlfriends will probably outlive your husband. So find good ones