Salvation- GroupMe Style

I am currently sitting at a desk in the hospital writing. I’m supposed to be at some meeting or another but I had to take some time to save myself. Or more accurately- write a bit about how my girls and my God are currently saving me. I think that the biggest lesson in “saving yourself” is that you can’t. All that foolishness about “getting myself together”- it is impossible. I have never in my life (admittedly only 27yrs strong) “gotten myself together”. F the frikin bootstraps! I’m pulling myself up- and being pulled up and together by spirits, and hands, and ancestors, and all sorts of laughter, and shared tears. Among the lessons (re)learned today- was taking time to save yourself. And as such…I’m writing in the middle of the day.

Oddly enough- the ease of the sister-pull up/together was facilitated first by facebook and now by group me. And while I could and will go into the beauty and trappings of using technology to facilitate interpersonal relationships that will be saved for another discussion. This one instead, is about salvation- and its many forms.

blackwomenprayer

My God- routinely, saves me. And this is something I probably take for granted. That’s the trouble with unconditional love- you don’t see on it, it’s always there. You can mess it up and take it back and trip all over it and still- it comes searching for you on happy days to give you a high five, and on bad days to bring you back to the happy ones. Still, this kind of unseen love- this voice that I can’ put a finger on and know- sometimes doesn’t seem to get my jokes. Jesus and I have a lot of “why did I share?” moments. You know, when you are retelling something to someone and you are all excited about it and they just kind of look at you- or worse, chuckle appreciatively, or say lol as a conversation filler when they aren’t really laughing…- those are “why did I share moments” You never hear about Jesus making jokes. Seems like Jesus didn’t grapple with his sexuality, or kinks, or geekiness, or desire to use the f-bomb. Jesus didn’t worry about whether he looked sexy in his tunic and sandals- or if he did he didn’t talk about it in public so I’m missing the example I’m supposed to follow. Jesus didn’t worry about having kids by 30 bc he knew he was dying at 33…didn’t save for retirement. I’m pretty sure Jesus was a socialist and I’m just too greedy for that shyt ( hope Jesus isn’t mad I said that just then). And so while that salvation is real, and is the most important- its intangibility and distance makes it hard to see and feel and love on a daily basis.

Frida Kahlo

The salvation I am talking about therefore- is the one that sounds a little more like this:

” I hate the nuance and blatant perversions of privilege and savior complexes”

” Wait! I can cook! I have wide thighs! I should have gone to an HBC- I want a redo”

” I wore the panties that are like shorts today because I rode my bike to school. Turns out that was a terrible idea. Not only are my shorts riding up my cheeks, but I have twice as much fabric as normal…fml”

“I have too much too much pride and too little commitment for a personal trainer”

” status post workout: I’m out here in LA lookin like Beloved with a lazy eye”

” Are we posting pre and post workout pics? Like I said before my exercise is sex these days…It’ll just be hella photos of me cheesin hella hard”

This is the type of salvation that keeps you from falling off the edge. These women…There are only so many colored girls who were natural before natural was cool. Only so many who will go camping with you, go thrift store raiding with you, and then spend all your saved money on makeup/shoes/ music albums you can’t afford. And perhaps this isn’t what you need to survive. I need someone to yell at the TV with me about how the promotion of the dichotomy of the strong (physically) dominant, unyielding Black man and the submissive, churchgoing, naive, skinny, light skinned black woman is literally killing us (Damn Tyler Perry!). I need someone who will let me love Jesus and sex at the same time ( and find a way to work through that almost polarizing issue given the fact that we are no longer getting married at 15). I need someone who will love Africa and all of her peoples ( including the Jews) but who knows that they have no desire to go move back to Ghana and rough it out against the mosquitoes. I need girls who read, and write, and fall down, and pull me back up daily.

balckwomanart

For your salvation- for yourself- I encourage you to find yours. Find the people with no “why did I share moments”

Advertisements

Taking Santorum down…with my iPhone Case

I’m sitting listening to a fitting combination of Buena Vista Social Club and Gospel music as a start to my morning. I woke up needing a social media fix and so after answering my morning text messages ( those I had fallen asleep on last night) I played entirely too much Dream Zoo, Words with friends, and Scramble with friends. I moved onto twitter, set up a pintrest account, and then, inevitably…facebook.

And this ritual…which I will probably repeat several times today led me to timely inspiration…and aggrivation, all at the same time. I was simultaneously confronted with my grandfathers wall posts: reminding me to be strong and faithful, and my younger sister’s sharing of a Huffington Post’s post on Rick Santorum and Single Moms. The juxtaposition of these two pieces brings up a theme that has been circling around my religion and spirituality for months. Jesus, like the transatlantic slave trade or the atomic bomb- irrevocably changed the present paradigms that informed the discourse of the time. And we are challenged to do the same: to pick up our cross daily, to stand still and know that I am God, to lean not to our own understandings, to believe- completely that children see God more clearly than we do and the Meek Shall inherit the earth. The beatitudes, surely, were revolutionary. In re-reading that paragraph I realize that you all make think I’m leading up to some great stand in support of Santorum. And so let me assure you now, that while he is Christian, and Radical and so am I…It is taking all of my Christianity not to call him…things I’m working on not calling people anymore. You know, turn the other cheek and all that.

My devotionals over this Lenten season have been concentrated on increasing my confidence in myself and releasing the illusion of control I have over my life. This month happens to be Women’s month, last month happened to be Black history month, and I’m a California Christian…which in my case means- I believe Jesus, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and Audrey Lorde were all activists and radical in their thinking: changing and challenging existing paradigms- writing their own discourse. And with those timely ancestoral examples, those shoulders I stand on, I have decided I am going to speed up my purchasing of my OBAMA iPhone case. for serious: I’m a revolutionary.

The entire series of events- me learning about the news via social media, and eventually leading to my own support of a political cause through the purchase of a cell phone case…illustrates how times have changed- and how Rick Santorum is going to be beat.